Since the beginning of the school year, I’ve heard many complaints from people about not getting what they expected in terms of a student body. Many feel that while their peers are talented, diverse and ambitious, they are surprisingly unattractive. The first time I heard this complaint, I was offended. The second, I was annoyed. The third time, I was curious. How do Northwestern students believe our attractiveness compares to that in other places?

I asked how NU students could be numerically compared to the general public. Not surprisingly, most students were eager to demonstrate their own numerical qualification systems. Some used percentages, explaining that a greater percent of the general population would be acceptable for bed partners compared to the percent of NU students (using the student population as a divisor). Other students were uncomfortable reducing their peers to superficial statistics. Pah.

After talking to friends, the best explanation I’ve come across that objectively compares NU students to the general public in terms of attractiveness as a sexual partner requires that you first reduce your peers to a numerical value: 1-10, 1 being least attractive and 10 being most attractive. Then, reduce the general population to a numerical value 1-5. Again, 1 will be the least attractive while 5 is most attractive. In order to relate NU students to the general population, you must use the formula 2r+1=N, where r is a student’s ‘real world’ score (1-5) and N represents that student’s NU attractiveness (1-10). After playing around with the formula a bit, I pointed out to my friends that a real world 5 would be a Northwestern 11, not accounted for by the scale. Smirking, my friends explained that an 11 would never happen, as they don’t believe any fives attend NU.

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