DEAR CAROLYN : I had a pair of glasses that I loved, but lost about a year ago. They cost an arm and a leg and I felt really pretty in them. Well, a couple of months ago, I heard a friend telling a story about her new glasses. She said someone had left them at her house and she'd asked "everyone" whose they were, and after months and months she had her own prescription put in the frames. When I saw them, I told her right away they were mine. It was very uncomfortable for both of us. She told me she couldn't give them back because she put a couple of hundred dollars into them and couldn't afford to do that. I told her I paid over $ 500 for them and loved them. She told me she'd compensate me somehow but has yet to do anything. It's changed how I feel about her because frankly I think she should have given them back. What do you think ?

— R. DEAR READER : She should have given them back — and, in return for that hypothetical decency, you should have reimbursed her for her lenses. You did lose them, after all ; she didn't steal them from you. You can still go back to her with an offer to pay for her lenses in return for getting your glasses back, or choose a fair amount and request compensation. After you apologize for stewing so long. Your timeline says you've been holding onto the Great Glasses Incident for two months — thereby subjecting yourself to some eye-rolling, probably to other friends (whom you may still like ), probably behind your back, about how long you've held onto this.

It wouldn't be right or fair — and ideally these other friends would defend your honor — but someone who's unapologetically cruising around in your $ 500 glasses is not going to dwell on what's right or fair. And we all know "ideally" is interchangeable with, "Silly me."

Regardless, while the Great Glasses Incident may have helped you decide you don't want this friend back, you still need to decide if the true price of getting your glasses back, whatever it turns out to be, is one you're willing to pay.

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